My poor child has inherited his mother’s fat Fred Flintstone feet. We have one pair of shoes that fit right now, that adorable pair of Bobux that barely squeeze over his toes. Unfortunately, he’s got just a few millimeters left in them before they become too small. I have some Stride Rite’s on order in extra wide width. Let’s hope they work or he’ll be shoeless for a lot longer.
Up to this point I haven’t really cared if he was wearing shoes. I’m definitely not one of those doting mother’s who freaks out if her baby is only wearing one sock or something. (See multiple booger photos on blog.) We’re a laid back family with redneck roots. I have nothing against a kid barefooting with some Bargain Town Feet. I did it as a child, and I have no shame about it.
Wait, what is Bargain Town you ask? Well if you grew up poor (which a lot of us did) in Alabama in the 1950’s through the 1980’s, you probably shopped at Bargain Town. It was like a Dollar General Store where you could always score a cheap deal on household items or toys or flannel shirts and whatnot.
And what the heck are Bargain Town Feet you ask?
Ok, kids, it’s Redneck Dictionary Time!
Bargain Town Feet–noun
1. a plural of Bargain Town Foot.
2. Feet so dirty from walking without shoes in the summertime on asphalt, sidewalks and the concrete floors of Bargain Town that they are permanently stained a dingy greyish brown color. Typically the feet belong to multiple rambunctious redneck siblings, all under the age of 9, who do not wear shoes and probably no shirts in public.
3. Usually accompanied by cut off blue jeans, dirty faces, unkempt, unwashed hair and a general stench of urine. Also followed by the raspy smoker’s voice of their overweight mama hollering at them all to “Git backchere raht now!” Flip flops and size XXXL Winnie the Pooh t-shirt optional on mama.
4. The white people version of “Bebe’s Kids”.
So there you go, learn something new everyday, huh?
Like I said, I have nothing against Bargain Town Feet. But now that the temperature is dropping down in the 50’s some days, I guess it’s time to cover my little ragamuffin baby’s feet. Bless his heart. Maybe instead of Bargain Town Feet I could play it off like he is one of those crazy rich politician’s kids in Montgomery who doesn’t wear shoes until they are in the 4th grade. But that is another Redneck Dictionary entry for another day.